someone get that fucking seahorse.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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