There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
