I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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