There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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