dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
