did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i think im in europe. pls send help
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