Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
