Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
