oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
