Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
