if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
