Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
