dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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