I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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