I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
