I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
