she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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