Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Blood and glitter go together right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
