Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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