Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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