these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
