he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
