I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
