Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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