At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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