she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
