I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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