chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
