i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
