I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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