bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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