I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we're making bets on your personal life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize