i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
