you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
