Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
