you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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