Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize