This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
