There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
