He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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