my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
