He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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