Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
