I hate your face
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize