mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
