So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
