New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Houston, we have a squirter
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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