I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
