Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
