All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
