Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
