the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
