he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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