she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
