i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
