i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
