Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
