1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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