Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
