Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
