What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
