I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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