Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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