Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
