hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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