His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
