Apparently you make a good broom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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