You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
