My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
