no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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